Updated: Aug 7, 2020
Based on a prior blog, a lot of you are wondering why you're not in the mood, so I figure you also want to know how you can get in the mood. A complete overview isn't possible in one blog post, but I can definitely get you on your way to a healthier libido IF you're willing to make the effort.
How do I get in the mood?
What are the biggest libido killers? In general, the causes can be categorized as physical or psychological. Some of the physical causes include hormonal changes, certain medical conditions, medications, and pelvic surgeries. The most common hormonal change is a decrease in estrogen that occurs with menopause, but prolonged birth control use, pregnancy, and even breast feeding is associated with lower estrogen. Yeah, welcome to womanhood. Low estrogen is a "kick you when you're down" scenario--not only does low estrogen directly cause decreased libido, but low estrogen can also cause thinning and dryness of the vagina (atrophy) resulting in painful intercourse. And if painful sex isn't a turn off, I don't know what is. Estrogen replacement can help with this situation, but for women who don't want to use estrogen then a lubricant at the time of sexual activity can be used (hint: GLISSANT intimate lubricants). You can read about testosterone effects the "Why can't I get in the mood?" blog. Decreased libido due to any other condition that can cause pain in the pelvic area such as endometriosis, scarring or nerve damage from prior surgery, or generalized pain conditions like fibromyalgia is best managed by treating the underlying condition.
Libido is also greatly affected by personal and relationship issues. Stress of work, kids, and running on the hamster wheel of life chips away at our relationships. Let's face it, the chances of the person who never does laundry and argues with you over in-laws actually turning you on are slim to none. And if you happen to also not feel great about yourself because you don't have enough time to go the gym or you just don't feel as sexy down there since having kids...well, it doesn't take a genius to see that getting in the mood is near impossible. Here's where the effort comes in--make feeling good about yourself and working on your relationship a priority. If you want to go to the gym then go. If you don't feel sexy down there, then fix what bothers you.
So what if there aren't any physical issues and you're in a great relationship but you're still not getting in the mood? You still need to make an effort--set aside time for intimacy (no exceptions) and change it up with something like new lingerie, pre-game bubble bath, or adding something fun like a sea salt & caramel lubricant...if you missed the first hint: GLISSANT intimate lubricants.
I don't have universal life changing relationship advice nor can I fix every physical condition that negatively affects libido, but I can tell you from personal experience that your libido CAN come back with some effort. You go girl!
Dr. Karyn Eilber MD is a physician in Beverly Hills with over 20 years of experience in female pelvic medicine and reconstructive surgery.